Today is all about the crushing anxiety and self-doubt. I suppose this is to be expected whenever you make a major life-change. Or even if you’re just *trying* to make a major life change. But I woke up this morning with all the voices of disbelief holding court in my head.
“Are you serious? You think you’re going to be rich or something?”
“You’re going to make money selling wool?! Like, you know, sheep’s hair? Are you kidding?”
“Shouldn’t you just go get a real job and buckle down like everyone else?”
“Wouldn’t life be easier if you just got hired on at a good old 9-5, with health insurance and everything?”
“Why can’t you just be more like everyone else?”
This is a big theme for the voices in my head. The attraction/repulsion of being “just like everyone else”. It does really seem like a lot of people are able to function very well in the world by just working their 40 hours doing something that they aren’t that inspired about and going camping on the weekends. I don’t know why this doesn’t work for me, but try as I might, I can never hold on to one of those “grown-up” jobs for very long. In fact, I think they might actually make me crazy. I know for certain that they make me really unhappy. So I guess that’s the answer to the disbelievers in my head.
Yes, it would be a lot easier if I could just get a regular job and hold in to it for the next…oh, 30 years or so. But that just doesn’t seem to be my life path and it seems like maybe it’s time I stopped trying to force my way through the bramble bushes and look around for a minute. Is there a route to financial and emotional security that makes more sense for me as an individual? Is it really possible to take the advice of that old hippy saying “Do what you love, and the money will follow”? If it doesn’t work out…well, I’ll end up back where I am right now. And really, the view from where I am right now isn’t so bad.